On Friday, hoard of hooded Klansmen were confused to find that the 5th Annual Memphis Color Run was more a threat to white T-shirts than to the rule of the Aryan race.Indeed, despite the planning of a massive protest and a pre-demonstration bagel breakfast, the group failed to realize that the event had nothing to do with the promotion of ethnic integration.
”Well that was a silly mistake” said Klansman Wade Webster, who organized the event, “I heard there’d be a Color Run in Memphis, but I had no idea it was just a fundraiser to fight colon cancer. I hate blacks and Jews and Mexicans and Chinamen, but what kind of person hates a fundraiser against cancer? I’m just so relieved we’re here to promote health and longevity, not racial tolerance.”
Hundreds of local Klansmen had come out to demonstrate against the event, with many bringing along homemade signs reading, “Run Back to Your Own Country”, “Y’all People Are Two Stoopid to Be Lyke Us Kinds”, and “Kids Eat Free Today Only at Denny’s!”
Of course, not all was lost in the realization of the group’s mistake. Papa Johns had volunteered to cater the event, and it insisted on still delivering the 300 pizza pies the Klan had ordered, but it eventually agreed to give the protesters a pass in exchange for the right to host the group’s Wing Night in April. Plus, sources on the ground report that a number of Klansmen may have even joined in the fun, filling their hoods with color powder and using a massive burning cross to mark the finish line.
“As long as the dominance of white power isn’t questioned,” said Webster as he happily skipped along the race’s path, “How could we resist such a good time?”
“And besides” he said, “this should be great practice for our Glitter Dash in the spring.”