A hoard of hooded Klansmen were confused on Friday to find that the 5th Annual Memphis Color Run was more a threat to white T-shirts than to the rule of the Aryan race. Indeed, despite the planning of a massive protest and pre-demonstration bagel breakfast, the group failed to realize that the event had nothing to do with the promotion of ethnic integration.
“Wait, this is a fundraiser for the fight against colon cancer?” asked Klansman Wade Webster, who organized the event, “I hate blacks and Jews and Mexicans and Chinamen as much as the next guy, but what kind of person protests cancer research? I’m just so relieved we’re here to promote health and longevity, not racial tolerance.”
Hundreds of local Klansmen had come out to demonstrate against the event, with many bringing along homemade signs reading, “Run Back to Your Own Country”, “Y’all People Are Two Stoopid to Be Lyke Us Kinds”, and “Kids Eat Free Today Only at Denny’s!”
Not all was lost, though, in the group’s misunderstanding. Papa Johns, who had volunteered to cater the event, agreed to give the protesters a pass on the 300 pizzas they ordered in exchange for the right to host the group’s Wing Night in April. Sources on the ground even report that a number of Klansmen joined in on the day’s festivities, filling their hoods with color powder and using a massive burning cross to mark the finish line.
“As long as the dominance of white power isn’t questioned,” said Webster as he happily skipped along the race’s path, “How could we resist such a good time? And besides, this should be great practice for our Glitter Dash in the spring.”